Night of the Living Zombiecorn

Plus: Statue of Melania missing but not missed, Biden’s cancer diagnosis is treated with suspicious sympathy & teenage monkeys’ deadly new fashion trend.

Trivia: What does Jordon Hudson have in common with former NFL QB Trent Green? Answer at the end of the Gist List

University of North Carolina football coach Bill Belichick has been making the rounds to promote his new book, but on his interview with “Good Morning America,” had the hosts saying, “Book? What book? Tell us about your girlfriend.”

Yes, Belichick has been dating 24-year-old Jordon Hudson. Despite the almost 50-year age difference, they have all the hallmarks of a power couple. He attends all her beauty pageants and supports her, and she has fashioned herself into his handler, brand manager, publicist, Svengali, wet-nurse, puppet master, special teams coordinator, etc. She’s rumored to have a lot of power in this relationship, managing business so he can focus on his coaching career. She has controlled media access to him and influenced major decisions like scotching HBO’s “Hard Knocks” at UNC after demanding content control. She has even applied for trademarks on Belichick phrases like "No Days Off (Bill’s Version)" and "Chapel Bill.”

Hudson has told at least one person that she and Belichick are engaged to be married. I’d love to be there when he finds out, but I would also like to wish the couple many happy returns.

Hint: Political scientist and Bell Curve author Charles Murray also shares this trait with Trent Green and Jordan Hudson.

Welcome to the Gist List—a news roundup, interesting things you should know, and my thoughts leading up to today’s podcast episode.

Here’s what’s on my mind:

🤔 Biden’s cancer news garners sympathy… and suspicion.

🗿 Melania Trump’s statue gets stolen, not missed.

💸 Need quick cash? Kidneys are so passé. Sell your data.

🗳️ Why Harris lost the election.

🐒 Monkey’s dangerous new youth trend.

🧟‍♂️ Zombiecorn Apocalypse.

The Gist List

Biden's Cancer Diagnosis Draws Sympathy — And Suspicion (Axios)

Former President Biden announced he has Stage 4 prostate cancer, of course, drawing sympathy, but also some suspicion—especially since the new book “Original Sin” detailing the code of silence around Biden’s failing health and cognitive function is hot off the presses.

Obviously, I am saddened to hear about his cancer diagnosis. But I also can’t help but wonder about the timing of this announcement. As president, Biden had access to the best healthcare in the world, but we’re just hearing about this now? It seems like the physician to the president would be right on top of a form of cancer that men usually start screening for around 50. There is also a pattern of secrecy around cancer in the Biden family. When his son Beau died in 2015, some Biden family members, including Beau’s widow, were frustrated by the lack of public disclosure.

Police Investigate Disappearance of Melania Trump's Statue in Her Native Slovenia (ABC 7 Chicago)

A statue of First Lady Melania Trump was stolen from just outside of Sevnica in central Slovenia, where Melania was born. In case you were imagining a gleaming bronze statue of the already statuesque first lady, let me disabuse you of that notion. This is what it looks like.

Described as a “life-size” depiction (although no one would ever accuse it of being “life-like”) by artist Aleš "Maxi" Župevc, it was sawed off at the ankles and removed. The townsfolk don’t seem terribly distressed by the news, with one resident saying, "I think no one was really proud at this statue … So I think it’s OK that it's removed." Even the artist seems more taken with the romance of what the piece means now that it has been vandalized. “It’s a strange kind of violence. To remove the feet is to deny grounding, erase direction, and halt motion. What’s left is a fragment—rooted, but silenced. A body no longer able to move forward, a ghost,” he said on Instagram.

Gen Z's New Side Hustle: Selling Data (Axios)

Here's one of those stories that makes me feel like I'm starring in a "kids these days" PSA, but the risk of sounding like my dad, in my day, we treated "selling out" like it was a communicable disease that could be caught through prolonged exposure to The Man. But now Gen Z seems happy to fork over a little DNA or install a tracker on their phone for $50. Generation Lab, a polling company, is rolling out Verb.AI, which will get detailed marketing data on people. They’ll pay participants $50+ per month to install a tracker on their phones.

Despite their comfort with sharing, young people are more likely than older generations to pay for security or delete their data after use.

A Comprehensive New Data Analysis Into Why Harris Lost in 2024 (Cook Political Report)

Yes, I know—no one can shut up about their takes on why Kamala Harris lost the election. Luckily, this is not one of those takes. Catalist released a report with detailed metrics about where things went wrong. Here are a few things that stood out to me:

• The Harris campaign failed to mobilize new and infrequent voters who previously leaned Democratic.

• The 2024 electorate was less white and much younger than in 2012 (youngest voters 36% of the electorate), but despite cool, youthful vibes, the traditional “Obama Coalition” favored Trump.

• 30 million 2020 voters did not vote in 2024. These voters were heavily Democratic-leaning.

There was a huge theme of voter churn, and a lot of what it comes down to is that the Democrats failed to animate these “churn” voters and relied on new voters to offset losses from drop-off voters.

Bored Capuchin Monkeys Are Kidnapping Howler Babies in Weird New 'Trend' (Science Alert)

On Panama’s predator-free, paradisiacal Jicarón Island, young monkeys are engaging in a dangerous new trend that the 10 p.m. news would be all over if it were happening with humans. A group of adolescent capuchin monkeys is carrying off baby howler monkeys for no apparent reason.

Naturally, when there is a story about cute baby animals in the news, all journalistic rigor goes out the window, and some outlets are treating this as a cutesy, “Look, they think they are people!” sort of news story while burying the monkeys’ dark deeds at the bottom. But these capuchins—named after the monastic order—have less-than-holy motives. Instead of caring for the baby monkeys, they just hauled them around like fashion accessories until they died, even holding the lil’ Howlers™️ like a toy after it passed.

Scientists compared the behavior to animal “fads,” where behaviors spread socially without any clear purpose, kind of like when planking (this kind) was a big deal.

New Report Shows the Staggering AI Cash Surge — And the Rise of the 'Zombiecorn' (CNBC)

Now, you might be thinking, “What is zombiecorn? Can you grill it and slather it in butter or cotija cheese?” But no, we're talking about the corporate equivalent of the walking dead: billion-dollar "unicorn" companies that are shambling along with barely a pulse in their revenue growth. With VCs pouring their money into expensive areas like AI infrastructure, more companies that were once considered unicorns are getting left in a business no-man’s land: not growing fast enough for IPO, and with no profitable buyer in sight.

But can we return to the use of the word “zombiecorn”? I wasn’t the only one who thought it was some kind of seed, right? (Cover image notwithstanding). What’s funny about this CNBC story is how they use words in ways they aren’t supposed to be used—as is standard in finance and tech reporting—to describe this new trend. We’re sure to soon get a "Leprecorn" for Irish companies with their valuation tied up in ingots, and “Cornpacabras” billion-dollar companies that end up latching onto another business for sustenance? And of course, you know that everyone at CNBC knows what it is, so they felt no need to explain it until the end of the story.

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Trivia answer…

What do Jordon Hudson and Trent Green have in common?

Both their first and last names are the names of major rivers:

• Jordan River: A river of Biblical proportions (Not spelled the same, but why not?)

• Hudson River: A 315-mile river flowing through New York, made famous by Sully Sullenberger landing a plane on it.

• River Trent: The longest river in the United Kingdom.

• Green River: The chief tributary of the Colorado River, OR the one in Washington known for the Green River Killer.

• Murray River: And for what it’s worth, about Charles Murray, the Murray River is the longest one in Australia. The Charles is the river in Boston.

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