Cheese Wars

Plus: Betting on the new pope, the Golden Visa is about to get more expensive, and the good news about fossil fuels.

First, they came for our chicken, and I said nothing (well, not exactly nothing) because I’m more of a turkey guy. But now they're coming for our cheese, and the Italian cheese producers are having a meltdown over American competitors—you know, the ones that sound about as authentically Italian as Chris Pratt saying, "Itsa Me! Mario.”

Much like how champagne isn't really champagne unless it's from the Champagne region (and don't get the French started on that one), true Parmesan has to be made in Italy's Emilia-Romagna region and aged at least 12 months. And of course, that dandruffy-looking stuff in green canisters is to genuine Parmigiano Reggiano what Sunny D is to fresh-squeezed orange juice, or what fun dip chased with Mountain Dew is to actual cocaine. After Trump’s 2020 tariffs on Italian cheeses resulted in a 15% drop in sales, a new one might mean Wisconsin cheese producers might take a bigger share of the proverbial cheese wheel. But if you are a foodie with a refined palate who loves those crunchy little crystals, it might be worth the extra 10%.

Welcome to the Gist List — a news roundup, interesting things you should know, and my thoughts leading up to today’s podcast episode.

Here’s what’s on my mind:

⛪ Sports betting, but make it Catholic.

🦖 Good news on fossil fuels. Just stop thanking ChatGPT.

📱 Hey, honey. You added me to the government Signal chat again.

🥇 The Golden Visa: The get out of jail for $5 million card?

👦 Boys are getting left behind in classrooms and careers.

🥤 Hold onto your Stanleys.

The Gist List

Pope Francis dies at 88. People already placing bets on new pope (Newsweek)

The money changers have already set up shop in the temple, getting people to place bets on who the new pope will be before Pope Francis (RIP) is even buried. Betting on the new pope might not be strictly legal in the U.S. (but let’s be honest, someone certainly has a site set up to take bets). Let’s look at the board.

Right now, the moneyline favors Cardinal Parolin, sitting around +400 depending on your book. Tagle's right there, maybe +450, call it a pick'em in some shops. Turkson and Erdo? Let's say +600, +700—getting into respectable underdog territory.

It's not just the SU winner. You can also get in on the action on the O/U for conclave length—will it be a quick decision or a marathon session? And the papal name—'Francis' is the heavy favorite, maybe 'Leo' or 'Pius.’ It’s like betting on the Gatorade color, but with eternal salvation potentially hanging in the balance. The juice might not be worth the squeeze given the lack of intel, but hey, it sure beats betting on baseball in April.

Energy emissions down, but AI needs fossil fuels to answer your questions (Bloomberg)

Good news! The world likely hit peak energy-related emissions in 2024.

Bad news: The decline in the coming decade will be slowed due to data center expansion powered by fossil fuels.

Good news: Renewables and storage are expected to make up more than half of the power capacity needed by 2035 to meet data center demand.

Bad news: Almost two-thirds of additional electricity generation will come from fossil fuels like coal and gas.

Good news: Saying “please” and “thank you” to AI chatbots will make them more polite.

Bad news: Your politeness is costing OpenAI tons in energy expenses.

Former Pentagon official warns department’s dysfunction could topple Hegseth (Politico)

Pete has done it again! Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has managed to create not one, but a SECOND Signal chat group containing sensitive military operations with 13 people, including his wife and personal lawyer. According to a former top spokesperson, John Ullyot, the Pentagon is in “total chaos” and predicts Hegseth is unlikely to remain in his position much longer.

So the dual news of a former Pentagon official calling the situation "chaos" and the details of ANOTHER Signal message might seem like a two-front war for Hegseth, but they could be emanating from he same source. And remember to ask—if you’re wondering if this latest news pushes the Hegseth doomsday clock closer to midnight—how much does Trump really care? Did he seem terribly bothered by the first Signal leak? Is this any different? Are we sure he didn’t know already? Just because we found out doesn't mean he did. Will ousting Hegseth thwart or advance his agenda? Will it give a win or a loss to his enemies?

Donald Trump wants a certain kind of immigrant: the uber-rich (The Economist)

For just a cool investment of $800,000—roughly the cost of a Manhattan parking spot or lifetime supply of artisanal cheese—you too can buy your way into America via the Golden Visa program. President Trump, ever the real estate mogul, thinks we're undervaluing our prime real estate. He has designs to sell 1 million cards and raise $5 trillion for debt reduction. The deal would come with a path to citizenship, tax exemptions and maybe a Mar-a-Lago membership. (Whether or not we can attract any of the 100,000 people globally who have the $50 million net worth necessary to buy it is… unlikely.)

It also raises the question of whether we even want the riffraff that comes with multimillionaires eyeing their dream home in Beverly Hills. Australia and the U.K. shut down their investor visa programs due to several visa holders’ ties to international organized crime.

Eight Charts Show Men Are Falling Behind, From Classrooms to Careers (Bloomberg)

Girls and women are outperforming boys and men in just about every metric. These graphs are worth digging into, but here are some things that stood out to me:

• Girls are graduating at higher rates than boys in every state except Vermont. This holds across racial groups as well, with Hispanic girls graduating at 6.8% higher rates than Hispanic boys.

• Women are not only earning bachelor’s degrees at higher rates, but post-graduate and professional programs are also either female-dominated or reaching parity.

• HEAL jobs (in the healthcare sector) and education, which women have traditionally dominated, now have an even wider gap than before.

Tumbling into oblivion: This product is arguably the most uniquely screwed by the tariffs on China (Sherwood)

The tariff that might collapse the influencer economy: the Stanley Cup (no, not the hockey trophy). These vacuum-sealed viral sensations are staples that rely heavily on Chinese manufacturing. Just last year, the US imported $1.6 billion worth of these colorful cups in the US, and they have enjoyed massive popularity since Covid:

That’s right — it’s the company’s iconic 40-ounce “Quencher Flowstate Tumblers.” Launched into fame by influencers on TikTok who introduced the product to thirsty women during Covid, the colorful tumblers have a cultlike following. In four years, Stanley’s sales went from $73 million in 2019 to $750 million in 2023, CNBC reported.

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What I’ve been listening to: The Glenn Show

This episode of The Glenn Show featured Glenn Loury and John McWhorter, two critics of the excesses of universities, invited Cornell West and Robert George onto the show. George, an academic from the right, shares the regular host's concerns. Cornell West has an inimical and rather circular presentation style, but throughout an hour-plus-long episode, I was just pleading, "Get to the point!" I sometimes hear listeners pleading this with me. The effect was that anytime McWhorter came in with a direct discernible insight, it was so very welcomed.

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